I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity...

There's a thousand reasons why...

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 05:44:18 GMT

I think I must have been absent that day in first grade where they tell you NOT to talk to strangers. No matter how cute they are. And that you are not supposed to give them your number. Oh well, whats the worst that could happen? Oh right, plenty of things. And oh right, I already made this mistake before...you'd think a girl would learn, huh? Duane Reade, Subway station, I'm really just getting classier by the minute ;)

So lifes been good. Kinda tireing, but good. I like my job so far. Its kinda rough being on my feet all day but the pay is decent so I really can't complain. Saturday I get to be hostess at the restaurant and I'm excited cause it seems alot simpler then working floor at the gift shop which I usually do.

Sarahs surprise batman party was a BLAST! Seriously so much freaken fun! There are some awesome pictures up on facebook thanks to the wonderful and hot photographer that Talia al ghul is lol. The villains totally ruled that party (Poison Ivy did her best;) and we killed the heroes in Disney Scene it. I love how the older we get the more childish our birthday parties get, it really is amazing and I love it =D

RENT has been casted! And I'm really really excited about it! I think its a very good cast. Of course (my bias) I'm extra happy that my best buddy got Angel (the role hes so meant to play) I'm just alittle concerned cause I know its a real challenge, just in the high school environment alone...I hate to think of people makeing fun of him and calling him some not so nice gay or drag queen names and stuff =/
I might have a lot of underage booty to kick if I hear anything lol.

What else is new...Oh yeah! The other day the toon chanel had a marathon of the old Spiderman cartoon from like the early 90s. I didn't even wanna leave the house! Yes, I am that much of a dork. So it inspired me to buy the first two seasons of the old Batman Cartoon (a respectible way to spend a paycheck, no?) and I'm super excited to watch it once it gets here! Man I love all those old shows, I miss them like crazy! They just don't make cartoons like the used too =(

Well thats it for now, I'm still waiting on a grade but so far its A+, A, and B+. Its sad but I feel like I'd be lucky to get a C in philosophy at this point....but we'll find out soon enough =/

Resolution - To get some sense.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:52:31 GMT

I'm awake! And its early! I got up at 11! I'm proud! I don't think I ever woke up this early new years day lol.

I had a pretty great new year. First party was at Joannas with plenty of people I love and never see enough of. I got to finally wear this dress I borrowed from Amanda G which was silvery-whiteish and sparkly, and Kashew wore her red sparkly dress so we kind of matched.

Twilight Zone, yummy punch, beer pong, watching people be ridiculous, taking some ridiculous pictures which will be up friday (cause thats when Joanna "gets back" from Seatlle lol) and various other things. It was great!

Then the new year came and we all wooed and hooed, drank champagne and popped those confetti things. Loved it <3
And Joanna changed from one sexy dress to another lol, followed by me changing out of the dress and shoes that were not really mine (shoes did NOT fit so well) and into a skirt and boots (much comfyer) with my sparkly tights that I bought two new years eve's ago and I wear every new year! They're starting to get holey though, so this might have to be their last appearence =(

Some of us then made our way to Ashley & Katies party, which was also fun! Especially because I got to live one of my dreams, partying with Sarah Gaglio!!! Her and Kate met us there, it was fantastic! We drank some wine, cause we're classy like that, and took some shots of whatever was left. Good times, I have to party with Sarah more for sure lol, that will be my new years resolution.

No hangover! Yay, I actually didn't go too crazy last night, which is good cause I've gotten pretty plastered the last couple of new years eves.

So today I think its time to clean my room cause its gotten pretty bad. I havent really cleaned it since the semester started, I never had time since I was only here on weekends. Then since break started, I beleive I have only been home when I'm sleeping so that doesn't help much either lol. So I'll do that for awhile, and then I think we're filming today? Unless like a bunch of people didn't make it home and are like still drunk somewhere, then we might have to postpone.

Anyways I'm excited to die for the first time! And be a ghost! I think I die by walking into something, which is totally me and is probably very acurate to how I actually will die one day lol. An ax Kashew ;)

Happy New Year everyone!

I don't mind you comin' here and waistin' all my time time...

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 04:37:00 GMT

Today was interesting. It started with me getting an email back from my math professor. First grade that I've gotten for this semester, A+!!!! I'm so happy! In math, and its me! Thats insane cause math is the only class I ever failed in my life (dam you Mrs Sinclair!) and here I actually did pretty great. Its making up for the crappy ass grade I'm damned to get in philosophy. Oh well.

Then I got a call from the statue of liberty. I applied there a while back, and they finally want to hire me! I start tomorrow. Gotta catch the 8:23 boat. I'm excited! Yay finally a real on the books job. Woohoo. I also have my job at the college which starts when the semester starts. Figures, I always want a job and now I'll have two. Two jobs and a full time student, uh-oh I'm turning into Joey! Well that also means I can buy myself alot of nice things! lol

I really gotta get on learning how to drive, cause if I get my licence and a car then life next semester will be a lot less hectic. Ok cause it would be classes and work mon-thurs, friday only day off, then work sat-sun. Also traveling to queens sunday night and brooklyn thursday night. Its kinda a lot. With a car I can at least drive to these places and not have to take this bus to this train and walk here and blah blah and die from exhastion. So I gotta get off my butt and go get my permit and start learning!

I also went to go visit my mom in the hospital today, it's the first time I've talked to her since the whole big fight. I think we're ok now. Sometimes its hard to tell. People on that side of my family are pretty strange. Grudge holders to the ultimate max.

Anyways. I'm looking forward to seeing peeps as much as possible over the break! I miss everybody so much! Everyone who has a webcam should install oovoo, its free and you can do multiple people chats. It was sooo much fun the other night!

In the arms of sleep...

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 09:33:18 GMT

So I was sitting here in my bed trying to fall asleep and I started thinking....

Sleep will not come to this tired body now,
Peace will not come to this lonley heart,
There are some things I'll live without,
But I want you to know,
That I need you right now -
I need you tonight
I steal a kiss from her sleeping shadow moves,
Cause I'll always miss her wherever she goes,
And I'll always need her more then she, could ever need me
I need someone to ease my mind
But sometimes a someone is so hard to find...
And I'll do anything to keep her here tonight
And I'll say anything to make her feel alright
And I'll be anything to keep her here tonight
Cause I want you to stay,
With me -
I need you tonight
She comes to me like an angel out of time,
As I play the part of a saint on my knees
There are some things I'll live without,
But I want you to know,
That I need you right now
Suffer my desire
Suffer my desire
Suffer my desire for you
Suffer my desire
Suffer my desire
Suffer my desire
For you
For you....
For you.

Yes I typed that out, from memory. Cause I'm a crazy pumpkins lover (in case the tattoo doesn't show that) and I think all of their lyrics are embedded in my memory for all of time. Probably cause when I was in 7th grade I hand wrote out the lyrics to all of their songs, I actually still have the binder in a box somewhere. I really do love that band, I don't really listen to them as religiously as I once did, but every now and then something happens (like just now) which reminds me of a song and I have to go listen to them. Anyway, I'm so tired but I can't seem to freaken sleep. Don't you hate that? Annoying as all hell. It was a good christmas, I got a nice amount of money from my dad. But I just checked my account online to see how much I've spent this past month and wow...I did not realise how much freaken money christmas cost me this year. And some things were still pending! Not even charged yet! Yikes. I gotta go to the bank tomarie and put in every cent I have so I don't end up in trouble. And I still owe people money for Christmas presents that I chipped in on! Actually people also still owe me money for presents they chipped in on. Hopefully that evens out. Geez I'm sleepy. Gah. Stupid money. I need a job. I helped Andrey build a computer the other day, it was fun! Hes starting up his own business type thing where he puts computers together and I'm the assistent. One job I always excel at - doing what I'm told! Also he said he'd start up a website for me and Amanda so we could start like taking cake requests and makeing them and shipping em out. That'd be super cool. I mean how many freaken crazy ass weird cakes have we made for free? Knife cake, Tardis cake, Pocket-Watch cake, Pug Cake, Spiderman Cake, Care-Bears sword fighting cake....and thats only to name a few! Anyway. I guess I should try to sleep. Blah. If only someone could just club me over the head and knock me out.

(But then place me nicely in my bed and leave me alone)

I wish everyone was loved tonight...

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 15:51:52 GMT

And you asked me what I want this year,
And I try to make this kind and clear,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings,
And designer love and empty things,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
So take these words and sing out loud,
Cause everyone is forgiven now.
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again.

So its Christmas eve, woo hoo! I am excited cause my best buddies are coming over and we'll be having some good old Christmasy fun. But at the same time I'm kinda feeling, eh...theres no good way to describe it. I feel like theres too many things going on right now that I'm ~~conflicted about~~ not happy about. And I don't want to judge, or blaime, or be hypocritical in anyway. The lamest, but truest part is, I just want everyone to be happy. Well everyone I care about. Even people who may not always want the same for me or really care that much.

I feel bad that there is a present under my tree for everyone except Amanda, but shes way to difficult to shop for. I tried. She said herself that the presents we usually get her are pretty dumb - like the generic sented candels or a bubble bath set. But when I ask her what she wants she says she has everything she wants. Shoes? I have a lot of shoes. Clothes? I have a lot of clothes. What the hell do you want? I don't know. Geez. Any hint would help lol. Today I'm going to force her to sit at my laptop and order something with my card that she wants. Cause I don't have the time or energy to think anymore.

Merry Christmas everyone who reads this =)

As the moon lights up the sky...

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 05:43:20 GMT

Finals done. First semester over. I don't know my grades yet but, I survived. Thats a good start =)

Its really cold in my room right now, like whoa I'm actually shivering. I touched my radiator and its like ice. Brrr. I think somethings up with the heat in this house. Its weird cause this morning it was like all warm, oh well. Christmas is so close. I feel like it came out of nowhere! Sorta. Cause like normally I spend so much time xmas shopping, go to the Union Square and Bryant Park market, break night making cookies for my stage peeps the night before the last day of class, but not this year. I didn't really have time for any of that stuff, I guess thats the sucky part of college =(

I kinda wish that I ended earlier so I would've had more time for xmas shoping which I actually enjoy. Oh well. I can't wait for Christmas eve, Kashew Amanda and Joey are coming over (Ashley hopefully on webcam) and we're going to make a gingerbread house! I got the kit and everthing I can't wait! Then we're exchanging presents, drinking some yummy hot coccoa and watching love actually, our Christmas eve tradition =)

I'm so excited for break. I still feel like I'm not really here, its weird. I feel like I'm going to have to pack up and move but I know that I don't lol. Moving back and forth is hectic, I think theres a good chance it'll drive me completley insane next semester. I mean I already snapped (I called to appologize but shes not returning my calls so I can't help it if I'm the more mature) I discovered a faster route from my house to my school today, it only took about an hour and a half. I think I can handle that as long as my classes arent too early. So maybe the semester after next I can start living here ALL the time again. We'll see.

I really wanna get my permit, well I'm GOING to. Asap. First week of january. I'm convinced that if I get my licence and a car all my problems would be solved. It may sound silly but it makes perfect sense in my head. And I'm not about to try and explain what goes on in there lol.

I'm super excited for RENT! Auditions went really well on Friday and I heard more good things from the people who saw callbacks. I hope the people who [I think] did best get what they deserve. We'll see...hehe we'll seee boyysssss. Ok I'll stop =D

Yay for break! Yay for living in one place! Yay for being able to clean my room for the first time since August!

The bad news is that its a scam, the good news is I told you!

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 20:36:04 GMT

Right now I feel very odd, I woke up at 2:30 PM which is the latest I have ever woke up since I don't know when. And I feel soo odd right now, at first I thought it might be that I haven't eaten since that bagel around 10:20 AM yesterday but now I'm wondering if I'm getting sick. I sure hope not! I could use a nice breakfast though, where is my dad when I need him? lol. But yeah I did notice two weeks ago that since the semester started I lost five pounds. Woohoo! Sadly I think alot of this had to do with the fact that I live with my mom most of the week and she doesn't really do the eating thing, much less the healthy eating thing which I'm acustomed to here at home with my dad. And now I've noticed today that I've dropped five more pounds. This has to be from the stress of finals, or the lack of time to do any eating cause I'm always busy or running around somewhere. Either way, from 117-107 is pretty crazy. I'm actually impressed, screw diets just go to college man. I'm sure I'll gain it back over break, which is good, because now I don't have to feel guilty about pigging out!!! (its the little things in life)

So yesterday was interesting. Well the past two days actually, cause I didnt sleep so they're kind of like one long ass day to me. I got up with the thought, I'll do my paper then go to Queens, study, sleep, then wake up and do the finals thing. Yeah so I got 750 words done then went to Queens cause it ws getting late and stayed up until 8:00 Am with Dee writing the paper. She helped me alot, but we still only managed to get 1500 words and it was supposed to be 2000. I kinda wish my teacher had gotten back to me with comments like she said she was going to, I coulve used the help. Anyway so then it was off too school, I got there 40 minutes before my math final and so I went to the cafe got coffee and a bagel and studied. And realised there were no batteries in my calculator. So I bought some batteries, then off to math final! It was the best part of my day because I knew every single thing on that test! Then off to drop of crappy english paper, and then to the library o study for ethics. I studied with this kid who I never talked to before but is in my ethics class and happened to be on the same floor of the library studying. Hes Irish and loves traveling and is a pretty cool guy. And he told me about the squirrel so now I know I'm not crazy!

Ethics final, um, it makes me sad because I honestly take awesome notes. One look at the test and I knew that if I had really studied more that I could've aced that test. I don't think I did bad with the short answers but my essay was god awful. Also cause I had to pee soooo bad and I couldn't concentrate and sort of gave up. Oh well. Lets hope others did really bad and he has to curve it...please!

So then to my moms. And let me also say that last night was the first night I've actually cried in a good while (probably since Ashley left and I only cried a little bit then). But when you hear things like "I don't think we should even have a relationship" and "Get the fuck out of my house now" coming out of your own mothers mouth, its kinda hard to keep it all together. But I have to remember that its no secret that this part of my family is totally off the wall and the most selfish people I'll probably ever meet. And I stll love them of course, its the dealing with them part I'm not so happy with. Thats why I love being home in Brooklyn. Thats why I can not WAIT to come home every weekend. When your mother tries to make you feel guilty about sending your best friend a present who is halfway across the world, because you haven't given her a present and its not even fucking Christmas yet...then I just want to scream because one it makes no sense, two it makes me angry, and three all she cares about is herself. And I'm going to stop now.

But like I said before, friends = love. I'm so happy that I have them to be silly with and do things like smoke hookah and "thats what she said" all night, and really forget about all the other crap. I only have one final left and its on monday so I'll study but this one is way less presure then the others cause I know I rock at anthropology =)

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:49:36 GMT

This is me, doing exactly what I'm writing about as an anecdote for my paper - procrastinating on the internet. God I'm so frustrated right now. I have a freaken 7 page paper to write and I'm drawing the only blank. Why can't I freaken consintrate? I can't seem to come up with anything. And I still have my philosophy final which I doomed to fail if I do not study my ass off for tomorrow. And a math fina I'm less worried about but I still have to memorize equations for. Today and Tomorrow are going to be the worst days of my life. Its just too much. And I can't even blaim the work I can only blaime myself for not manageing my time well. Yesterday I was determined to do the essay. Didn't write one line. Stayed up with Kashew Amanda and Joey instead and went to sleep when they left cause I was exhasted.

I have an awful headache. I had it since yesterday and it kinda sorta got better after taking something that seemed asprin-like but now its starting to get worse again. I guess it might be the stress. But then again I've been feeling moody ever since yesterday. I'm not 100% sure why. I feel like theres too much going on at once and I should be able to process everything but I can't. And instead of complaining on livejournal I should be either writing or completley bullshiting this essay right now. But I can't seem to. Its going to come out awful and there is no way on this earth I will pass my philosophy final tomorrow. And its all my fault.

Stupid college, stupid me =(

Edit - Actually I do have someone else to blaime. My freaken English professor because last week I emailed her my proposal - And while she got back to all the other students I've still heard nothing. And when I saw her Tuesday she said she was going to email me later that day. Still nothing. I am writing blind here and just coming up with crap. I have about 700 words now and I need 2000. Not cool.

Well one good thing happened today so I have some weight lifted off my shoulders, but that still doesnt account for all the other crap going on. This paper is killing me I swear. It needs to freaken write itself cause I obvioulsy can't.

We've all got our junk...

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 03:02:14 GMT

Hectic times ahead. Friday : Math Final, Philosophy Final, English Final Paper due.
Next Monday : Anthro final
Then I'm free!

Btwn now and then I must find time! HA its so funny I say that as I talk on aim and write on lj and check facebook. But I wanted to do the paper tonight! Cause I have a tendancy to do them like 4 hours before they're due but thats not good because I have to be at least some what rested for the TWO finals I have, one of which I'm so terrified I will fail. So yeah, my plan was do paper tonight. Tomorrow, auditions, then come home and study math. Then Thursday study philosophy, go to queens, study more philosophy. But my professor has yet to email me back her comments on my essay proposal. And today when I saw her, she said she would definitley do that today. GAH!

Well I have two stories.

Yesterday I was killing time before Math and went to go eat at my fav cafe on campus. So I'm sitting in the back in one of the comfy chairs, watching supernatural on my laptop. And theres this old guy sitting across from me. When I get up to go to class, he says "Thank you" and I ask "For what?" and he shows me a picture. Turns out he'd been drawing me the whole time. Alittle confused...and torn between woah creepy and kinda cool because it was a really good picture, I just say "Uh..." and he was like "You really didn't notice that I've been scetching you?" and I was like "...no" (I mean come on, what am I if not the most unobservant person ever?) Anyway so I left and went to class. Kinda weird but cool at the same time, maybe hes a famous artist and I'll pop up on some peice of art one day!

Today I was waiting for the bus around 9:30 in the AM. It starts to rain so I put up my umbrella. Somehow...and I still have no clue how, as it shoots out it hits my thumbnail and I feel like WOAHHHH ouch! So I look down....and did a double take cause I had one of those moments, I was like nah...thats not my thumb lol. So the nail was ripped almost entirley off. Only a small part still attached. The underneath of my nail all exposed. And it hurt like a bitch! I mean I'm not to bad with pain most of the time but seirously, ow! And then it starts bleeding like insaneo-crazy and I'm like great. Now what. I can't go to class like this lol. So I call my moms boyfriend and ask him if he has band-aids and he says yeah. He lives less then a block from the bus stop, so I walk over and let myself in. Not so sure where to find the band-aids so I just wrap it in a paper towel till he gets there. So he gave me peroxide to clean it and then we band-aided it up. I'm not going stop wearing a band aid until it grows out. He then dropped me off at school so yay. Thank goodness he lives near the bus!

Its those freak accidents man. You never see them coming!

well it comes and goes...

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:47:00 GMT

So this is me procrasinating once again. Good news, I'm getting a job at school next semester! Hopefully I'll be working in my aunts office which should be super fun because I already know like everyone there. I can only work up to a certain amount of hours (dam you financial aid!) which I think is about two months. But hey, anythings better then being as broke as I am right now. I think I actually figured out a way to get money for xmas shopping, I just have to check it out with the bank.

This weekend was alot of fun. I had alot of fun on Thursday night actually, just hanging out with Dee cause I never get to. We had a nice long sisterly chat where we talked just about everything that has been going on in our hectic sad lives latley lol. Sometimes you really need a sisters adivce to help you out =)

I've been thinking latley about everything I've done in my life (not that I'm dying anytime soon (as far as I know) but I feel like being reflective ever since the talk with Dee) and unlike Kashew, who said this recently, I can not say that I don't regret anything. And thinking back I'd say a good 90% of tthings I regret happened while I was drunk or drinking. Yeah. I mean I'm Irish and stuff and of course I've always enjoyed drinking...but sometimes not so much. Like when I can't remember stuff, it really freaks me out. I was out drinking the other night and I can't place the time that I fell asleep...theres a whole section of the night missing and I don't like that. I'm not used to it. I'm usually good with knowing when I've had enough but sometimes I'm just not. How many times have I said Im not going to drink alot tonight and then end up getting super drunk? Too many times. Now its not too bad, only cause I don't drink very often at all. But I don't want to be someone who whenever they do drink gets plastered and blacks out. So I dunno...I think I won't be drinking too much anymore,not until New Years anyways cause thats kind of the point of New Years lol.

I also decided that the best thing that ever happened to me was meeting all the amazing people I have in my life. I'll never regret the friends I've had, even if I'm not friends with them now. Its amazing how spending time with friends can make me forget about all the bad things going on. How they can cheer me up not even knowing, just by being there and being their ridiculous selves. I really love all of my friends so much, no matter how close I am with each of them. This might sound bad, but I love my friends more then my family a good amount of the time. Maybe I'm just saying that because my family is pretty crazy and I'm not too close with alot of my family members. But friends are your family of choise, and yeah you might have your differences every now and then but there are always going to be good memories with that person, even if you stop speaking entirely.

Ok I'm going to stop reflecting now. Theres too much reading and studying and paper writing that I still havent done! I have to force myself. But I think I'm going to watch the final two episodes of Supernatural season two lol. Then when I get home I can read until heroes! Ok that sounds like a plan.

So since I'm being sappy, if your reading this then you are my friend, and I love you! Yes you! You make my day all the time and you probably don't even realize it! <3

The things that come out of my mouth...well I suppose through my pen or typeing, not mouth.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:09:10 GMT

So last night I was smart enough to leave the proposal for my essay that was due at 10 this morning, to 1am. So yeah...procrasination much, how about always? I need to stop doing that, I'm really just screwing myself. What is it they said in fight club, procrasination is like masturbation for that exact reason? Something along those lines lol, mega truth btw.

I fell asleep mid-crappy writing, which is a first. I mean I've broke night writing essays before but maybe I'm to worn out latley for that sort of thing. I woke up today at 10 (when my class starts) and figured whats the point of going in late, when I don't even have the work. So yeah, I'm late for philosophy right now too actually (which is weird cause I dreamt about that happening), well not technically late but I will be if I don't leave the house right at this moment and I'm still in the proccess of getting dressed. I'm such a bum. I hate philosophy er I can't believe I'm going to school just for that lol, well I am going to work out at the gym with my study buddies after class so there is that to look forward to. One of my study buddies is like major ripped and brolic and he warns that hes a relentless trainer, I'm actually looking forward to this! Ever since I stopped doing yoga my body is like mush so it'll be nice to get a good work out.

So yeah I was reading what I came up with last night, I was trying to outline my proposal for my essay, like figure out what to write, this is what I came up with:

Problemo - Technology is fucking us in the brain. Properly.
This is important because – It must stop? Personally do I give a dam...not so much, oh well our brains are mush and we can't think for ourselves. Thats life for you.
Sources – Edmundson and Carr...a derf
Stakes – If things continue the way they've been going then everyone becomes the same single functioning brand name wearing ipod attached artifical brain skimmer of writing who does not think as a person but as a piece of a big database of consumption.
Why should you read my essay – God help you if you do, I warn, it will suck. Mainly cause I'm tired to the max and can not think properly. Ummmm read it so you can be informed? No skiming cause that would just prove me right and no one likes doing that. Um. I'm so fucking tired. I give up.

That was what came out of my mind right before passing out lol. Yeah...I think I make more sense when I'm drunk then when I'm tired. Seriously when Im exhasted I'm completley ridiculous (obviously) Now, to turn this into an essay! Fun stuff.

Ok time for class.

One more look and I forget everything...

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:59:05 GMT

I just had the coolest anthropology class of all time. My professor is currently writing an ethnograhy and spends a lot of time in Brazil (he actually won't be teaching for another 3 semesters because hes going back) and today instead of having lecture, Afro-Brazilian capoeira dancers came and we learned some of it. It is THE COOLEST THING EVER! Like seriously google that, or youtube it, its so awesome!

There are some cool funky instruments which they play during the capoeira, a couple of the students got to play them. We learned some of the basics and wow it was so much fun. Capoeria is like this martial arts dance combo. Its a fight and a graceful dance at the same time, it looks so freaken cool. The people who were doing it could do like crazy flips in the air and all this other stuff that takes like whoa flexibility and strength. I wish I could do it all the time!

Anyways, the semesters almost over and I'm super excited for break. I am nervous about finals though, but most of the nervous is directed towards philosophy. I'm so jealous that for a lot of people today is the last day of classes. Stupid cuny. Oh well. Just one more week and then I get to be in Brooklyn all the time! Thats so exciting like beyond belief, living in one place for more then 4 days sounds great!

This past weekened was really fun. Coulter gave me a camcorder which I figured out how to use, but I need to get a memory card for. I think I'll ask for one for x-mas since I can't think of anything else I want or need really. Saturday night we celebrated Fahads bday and it was the best. It was really like theatre whore reunion, more so then Macbeth perfomances. Because like everyone was there. Except Ashley, Sarah, Marieke, and Esta. (Being away at school or in China is a pretty good excuse...but I dunno about the other) We had (for the most part) all the alumni who graduated from last year, some people from the year before, and then some people who are still in fort. And I sat at the best table too,cause we claimed the booth! And we saved a seat for Ashley btwn me and Erick, cause of course she'd be with the cool kids. It was awesome, I love all those crazy people =D

Ok so coming up, finishing up classes, finals (still don't know when the anthro one is), winter concert on thurs, rent auditons (hopefully i can make next wed), rent production meeting (hopefully i can make this 2 weeks from today), christmas shopping...although I have no clue where the funding for this is coming from, I best start working those corners pretty hard..jk, and what I'm looking forward to soooo sooo much - People comeing home for break!!!

Come on, it puts the lotion in the basket!

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:35:16 GMT

So last night I had a dream that Amanda shot me. It was really freaking weird. On its own, its weird. But whats even weirder is that its the second dream that I've had where I've gotten shot and it was very similar...although I guess that makes sence.

The first time was 5 years ago, and yes I still remember it clearly, probably more then any dream I've ever had (save for the reocurring nightmare as a child where I was tortured by the muppets but thats a whole other story) It was me my brother Allyn and some other people, in a room and I kept saying I had to wake up. So Allyn said the only way for me to wake up was if someone killed me. My brother picked up a gun (I'm not sure where it came from) and shot me in the head. It was crazy. First it was really loud. Like in my head...everything was numb and my ears were ringing. It seemed like that lasted for a while but it was one of those things where forever was actually only about two seconds. Then I felt excruciating pain which I can't really describe, in my head and then I felt my body fall to the ground. Right as I hit the ground I imediatley woke up and was freaked out. So yeah that was that one.

Last night : My dream was that I was in this forest, I'm pretty sure I was with Mariya. Then Amanda (Tortorici) pops out with a gun. Mariya starts yelling that the vampires are coming. It made sence in my dream without being stated lol but the situaton was, we wanted to become vampires too and the only way they woud turn you is if you were already dead. So Amanda shot Mariya and she fell over dead next to me. Then she shoots me in the stomach. And it was kinda the same feeling, the ears were ringing, then came the pain, only I wasn't dead. I fell to the ground and held my hand on my stomach where the blood was pouring out , and then I woke up. I was really freaked when I woke up because I still felt the pain. I imediatley grapped my stomach because I could have sworn I was bleeding. But I wasn't (thank goodness!) I'm pretty sure that I was pissed because she didn't kill me, so I wouldn't get to be a vampire I would just have to like go to the hospital and be in alot of pain. Thanks Amanda, what a jerk, lol.

So yeah, its really strange. Maybe I'm gonna get shot one day lol, I don't know. I kinda hope not because from what I felt in these dreams, its not very fun. Kinda sucks. But I guess we'll see. Anyone good at analysing dreams by any chance?

Whatever, but next time I have a dream where I get shot, it better not be the kneecap! (I hear thats the most painful)

Hearts don't steer you wrong, but they could send you in circles...

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:54:25 GMT

I hate Mondays. Thats probably the lack of sleep talking. I just took my anthro test (the reason I stayed up late, a shift between procrasinating and studying) and once again, it was easier then I thought it would be. There were like four questions out of forty that I wasn't positive about but for everything else I knew the answer right away. Hopefully I did as well as I think I did, I love that class.

Thanksgiving was good. Small, but good. It made me miss Ashley and her family like crazy because we always celebrate the holidays together =( I hope those days aren't over because our families get along really well and it always made dinner and stuff feel more special. And I miss her moms stuffed mushrooms and artichokes! They were delicious =(

The break as a whole was...interesting. Good. Very good. I got to see Sarah! And we freaken tackled eachother with hugs! I wish I couldve spent more time with her but she really wanted to be with her family which I understand. I didn't get to see Marieke at all which kind of depresses me but I plan to spend as much time as possible with her when the semester ends. But like I said, over all the weekend was good. I didn't get as much sleep or work done as I thought I would but oh well. Psh sleep, who needs it anyway.

My family is insane. Literally. They have mental problems. Man. Not all of them but geez, sometimes I worry that I might turn out like some of them (as awful as that might sound) Really random but I'm bored and trying to kill time in the library before class. Normally I'd be watching supernatural BUT I started an episode and it had a freaken scary ass clown with blood on its mind in it so I shut it off within the first minute. Now I have a dilema. Because I either need to watch it with someone (Most likely Kashew) who could tell me when to cover my eyes and when its ok to look, or I need to skip it. Skipping it might make me miss something important to the story line and Kashews not here! I wont see her for another four days, what am I supposed to do on breaks now?? I swear, clowns ruin everything.

Isn't it funny how life can be unaturally dull for months and then get crazy all at once?

What I'm grateful for : (Just look for your name and read the section its long lol)

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 18:37:33 GMT

I guess it makes the most sense to start with my family, which I really do love a lot. My brother is a little weird cause he studdies all the time and sometimes I worry about him because I wish he'd go out and have fun at least once in a while, but in the past he has really done alot for me. Even now I know if I had a problem and needed him he'd do his best to help me out. I love my mom a lot, even though to be completley honest, living with her can be challenging at times. There are times where I feel like I'm the adult in the house, and I guess thats fine, shes been through a lot and I know me living there with her makes her happy. As far as my dad goes? I love him insanely. He is the best dad in the world and just all around amazing. He listens to me when I talk and he always gives that advice that really makes sense (even though I don't always want to follow it) He's an honest guy who really cares about his children, in the way that he never tries to make us feel guilty in anyway for whatever we might do that could hurt him. I know ever since I started living with my mom, me and him don't get to spend much time together at all. When I'm in Brooklyn I'm with my friends, and I usually make a mess of the house too moving in and out. But he never complains about it, and hes always happy to see me. He's generally just the smartest and really most careing guy I've known. He loves all my friends even though I'm sure we can be loud and annoying sometimes. I'm thankful for having the most amazing dad ever =)

Deirdre is probably one of the most influencing figures in my life. I know people like to joke "Where did she go right?" Because I'm not big on the drinking and I like going to school and all that, but really - she shaped the person I am today. A lot of people say we really look nothing alike (Or as Amanda said, shes the grungy version of me, I'm the neat version of her) but that we do talk alike, which is probably true. When you grow up with someone that close in age, you really become who you are with that person beside you, picking up things from eachother. Even today we don't live with eachother, which is better for the most part cause we very rarely fight now, I still know shes always there for me. Even though shes always late and looses her phone often! Hehe, I still love her a whole lot!

Friends - Wow I have so many amazing friends in my life, I'm truely very lucky. My theatre group as a whole, I adore completley. Nothing compares to seeing them whenever I can, and visiting stage always gives me a taste of that feeling I'd get around those people everyday last year. I'm not going to lie, I miss highschool alot sometimes. College is better as far as classes go, but I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again in my life. We were one bunch of crazy theatre whores and it was never a dull moment. I love my friend Amanda G, one of my oldest friends who I rarely get to see even though she lives around the block. I love Joey, whos brutal honesty gets her in to trouble, but I always know not to take her too seriously (she only means half of what she says) Kashew, I freaken love Kashew! Always there for me, always there in general lol, we can barely spend four days apart without missing eachother. We're ridiculous together, we even say the same things at the same time in the same tone, its creepy! I love going out and being insane with her, or just lazying around watching tv, we could really be doing anything and make a day out of it. Shes the greatest =)

Ashley - My other hip! As far as friends go, I don't know if I can even count her because she is so much more then that. She somewhere in sister status, I'm not really sure where to place her. But she has a very very very special place in my heart because I honestly don't think I've ever been closer to anyone. There are times when we live together, there are times when we're very far apart. Right now is the furthest, her in China and me here, but still if I have a problem shes the person I want advice from. Even if its not for advice, I always know that if I just explain something she'll understand. I don't know where my life would be if I never knew her, and shes one person that I'm definitley super thankful for. I'll stay up late tonight in the hopes that she will be online at like 1:30 Am!

Other friends that mean alot, Amanda T - Shes probably the best friend I made in highschool. Whenever I see her it feels like years, but usually its not much more then a week. Its cause I'm use to seeing her all the time, and being a total nerd with her. I never met another girl who shared my love for comics and other dorky things as much as she does. Sarah - Words can not describe how much I love this girl! She's ridiculous and her laugh is just music to my ears after not seeing her in months. Being with her yesterday almost made it feel like she never left, but its sad to think she'll be gone in a couple of days. I can't wait until winter break! Marieke - I haven't seen her yet, but I am dying too! Our limericks are the best things ever and I just love talkin about anything with her. Mulligan - Since hes away we really never hang out but we talk just about everyday. Hes a person that I can really talk to my problems about, and I'm always more then happy to try and help with his. Also we go crazy over heroes together, its fun! Mark - So people might say that I have a Mark-fetish (totally true lol) but, jokes aside, hes very important to me because I don't think I know anyone who makes me smile as much as he does. Hes so silly and adorable, its really impossible not to love him.

There are more friends still! All the theatre kids like I said, matter to me. I really love being with Portia Fahad and Erick, although they're people I don't get to see as much (stupid queens!) They are friends that I've definitly laughed harder with then like anyone on the planet, and I'm always having a good time hanging out with them! Oh, and Kevin! Kevin is an awesome friend too, even if he can be a jerk sometimes (lets hope he never reads this) But honestly, he is one of the great friends I'm thankful to have. Mariya, Jen, Gus, Mike, and Marissa - I love these guys and they are the ones I come back for, the ones I really love visiting. They give a good name to our theatre =)
Then there are the friends I've made through Deirdre - Andrey, Alf, Allyn, Christina, Frankie, Jason, Joanna, Joe, John and I'm sure there are more I just can't think of on the spot. All of them are fun people! That I've had really crazy times with! They showed me how to party and be a little less tense, so its always a fun time with any of those guys too =D

So yeah, I have alot to be thankful for. I'd say mainly its the amazing friends I have in my life. No matter what is wrong or what I need, there is always someone to go to. Who could ask for more then that?

If you want me to, I will.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:38:30 GMT

I thought I kinda figured out what I couldn't really figure out but it seems that no, I didn't. Isn't it weird when you don't even know how you feel? Its kinda scary sometimes actually. Like I was thinking, when I was little I always knew how I felt, it was other people that were hard to figure out. But in the past few years I've always had a struggle figureing out how I really felt about something or someone, you know? I have no idea sometimes. How the hell am I supposed to know? Does everyone kinda get that once in a while? Like you have no idea what you really think or whatever? I get it all the freakin time. Anyway, besides confusion I really don't have much to complain about. Things are going well in life I think.

I'm glad I have some friends in Queens now to hang out with outside of school. Me and Kashew spent a good amount of last night shoved in a car ontop of guys we just met (I hope John Capp is not reading this lol) but it was a funny night. Me and Kashew tried hookah for the first time and it was actually a lot cooler then I thought it would be. We were supposed to go to this club but then it turns out that club was actually under construction, then we went to the club we were really supposed to go to but most of the guys weren't really into it so we left and ending up hanging out in a hallway drinking and playing 'I never' It was a pretty good time =)

Right now I have a book to read and notes to recopy/organize, other stuff...I dont want to do anything. I have no motivation. There isn't even anything to distract me! I mean theres True Blood Entourage and Dexter but none of that starts until 9, no excuses. I gotta get this work done but I can't seem to force myself to. Geez how will I ever succeed in life lol.

I wasn't on anything when I wrote this guys...I'm honeslty just insane

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:47:08 GMT

I know what I want, which is not what I want me to want. I know what I want me to want, but deep down its nothing that I truely want. What I truely deeply want is something that I can't have, something that would ruin what makes me want what it is I want. I dread the idea of facing what I should want, what I would want - were I not already in want of something much more complicated then what a normal person would want. What I want me to want frightens me because I can't help but think about what it is that I really want. What I want me to want repulses me. What I want makes me angry and what makes me even angrier, is that I should get so upset over something that I normally would want but reject entirely because of what I really want. When I'm faceing what I want me to want, the whole while I'll be longing for what I truley want. Theres no peace in longing!

Will I wait a lonley lifetime?

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:04:19 GMT

Today was...intersting.

It started earlier then a Sunday morning should be allowed to, I woke up at 7 after a late night out with them crazy theatre kids. (Final performace of Macbeth after party at my favorite place Bridgeview lol) I met up with Joey and we took the r train to the circle line. Some tourists are majorly bitchy btw. So anyways we get to the statue of liberty and Joey introduces me to one of her supervisors who asks me to fill out an application. So I fill it out, and there was a math test which I pray I answered everything correctly on because it was super easy but when I'm nervous my mind goes blank and I freak for no reason lol. But I think it went well we talked a bit and he asked me why I don't have any previous jobs and I told him because all my time was dedicated to my school work and theatre (sad part is it was like 90% theatre) He said hes looking for employees who are honest (lots of people are getting fired for stealing shit so thats why there are openings in the first place) hardworking with good people skills. And he said I seem to have that so I should hear from him in a week or two. I really really really hope I hear from him because I have no freakin money. My dad gives me 100 every two weeks but with an unlimted metrocard and the books for classes which I am still buying because I couldnt afford to buy them all at once...the money disapears within a matter of days. It's terrible! With Christmas coming up and everything I just kinda need it. So hopefully that works out.

So I get back on the boat and then get on the subway to go to queens. I get to my moms bfs place and Dees there all alone just out of bed (its 1pm lol) and confused. Then my mom and her bf get home and they seem to be in a decent mood....until the phone rings and then everything just turns around. Sometimes its hard for me to show emotion...cause I have a tendacy to bottle things up and not really talk about them. It makes me feel better to not think about whats going on and try to make light of the situation. But that doesn't mean that things don't hurt me. It does mean that I sometimes don't know how to react when someone starts histerically crying over something that I know I should be crying over also. But I don't.

I'm still not positive about whats going on but my grandpa is back in the hospital. And I can't recall the last time I've seen someone I love frighten me. Because when I look at the way he is it hurts. Thats not how I want to see him and it is not how he wants to be seen. Is that what getting old does to you? Takes away your dignity? Because if you can be in that much pain in a terrible condition but still show a concern for wanting to do things on your own then I think dignity is pretty dam important. And it kills me to see him this way, it kills me more to know how embarrased he is over something he can't control and its only being hospitalized...its just seems unreal right now.

Everything is kinda...ugh right now.

The pleasure makes it possible, the pain makes it real.

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:35:50 GMT

Macbeth was amazing. It was super bloody and creepy. I think tonight and tomorrow night will be better though seeing as there were some mishaps. One thing that was kinda funny was when Mark (Banquo) died the whole audience cheered like crazy lol. I think its cause it was so cool! Blood squirting out of his neck and all that. Then it was also funny when Jenn (Lady Macbeth) died because you just hear her scream offstage but it was like "AHHHHHHHHHH....ah" and it just sounded really hilarious. So the audience cracked up there. Then during the big sword fight between Macduf and Macbeth, Macdufs sword broke! A huge chunk of it just came off! I was sitting with Coulter he just started laughing like crazy and yelling "Go with it guys!" The whole audience was dying, it was pretty funny. But neither of them broke character for a fraction of a second, they just kept going with it. I'm so proud of them! So the audience started cheering for them for that. It did keep the seriousness in most of the scenes but at certain moments it was more like the comedy of Macbeth as opposed to the tradgity.

I think it put me in a way better mood, being in that theatre just brings me alot of peace and a whole lot of good memories. And I got too see some peeps I haven't seen in a while like Christina Squigs and Gaspare. And Sarahs mommy! I miss her =(
Kashews visiting Sarah at Tufts right now, I wish I could go! But then again I really want to be here for Macbeth.

Tomorrow I'm going to a protest against proposition 8. Its at city hall at 1:30 and I think everyone and everyone they know should go. Everyone I asked seems to be workng, stupid work. Its all over though, every state is doing it, check it out http://jointheimpact.com/
Tell people if you can't go yourself, really this discusting inequality has got to stop. I think I'll get out all my anger from the past few days here, putting it towards a cause.

Thats it for now, if you like shakespeare, go see Macbeth! If you like blood, go see Macbeth! (Its only like an hour and a half intermission included)

why does every moment have to be so hard...

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 03:51:45 GMT

Todays one of those days. More like one of those nights because eveything seems to happen all at once. Do you ever wonder if someone is watching and just geting a kick out of all of this?

What is up with everyone in my family falling apart at the same time? First my grandpa has to go to the hospital, then he gets moved to the same nursing home where my grandmother died and he has to stay for three weeks for rehabilitation. Then my aunt's knee has no cartilidge left so she had to get surgery and now they're thinking she has to get a total knee replacement. When I asked my aunt Mary why my uncle Billy hasn't been helping (which isn't that much of a surprise really) she said its because he had to have surgery on his nose...his wife has to turn him over every two hours so he doesn't choke on his own blood. My mom has these crazy ass hives all over her arms and legs and she doenst know whats causeing them...apparently they don't hurt but they really don't look friendly. Then we have the worst. My moms boyfriend had this thing on his leg that he thought was an ingrown hair. Then it just got worse and super infected looking and so he went to the doctor. They sent him to the emergency room. They gave him antibiotics. Today they callled and said his puss colture came in and that he has MRSA. His blood is also refusing the antibiotics. The doctor told him it was fatal. He came over and we spent a good portion of the night researching it. Google image that...its discusting. I seriously felt like I was going to vomit or faint when I saw some of these pictures...I can't look at it in person. I closed my eyes when he showed it to my mom but her reaction was enough to paint a picture. And now he thinks he has a second one. Its really freaking me out.

One of my best friends is pissed at me. I hate it. I can't stand it. What am I supposed to do other then say sorry? Other then try to explain my intentions? Other then promise not to do anything like that again? Seriously, what ~~the~~ ~~fuck~~ am I supposed to do? Twelve years of friendship...if its gone over this....

I can't think. I can't concentrate. I have to pitch my essay topic to my english class tomorrow and I do not have one. I have not the slightest clue what the hell to write about and I can't seem to force up an idea. Why can't I concentrate? Why can't I do my work? Why do I get home at 5 and its 10:43 and I've still done absolutley nothing? While stay up till 3 to finish homework when I do NOTHING before that!? I'm so frustrated right now...I just want things to calm down a bit and not tackle me all at once like this.

Ok...at least I'm going to see Macbeth tomorrow and I heard its going amazing. No ethics tomorrow I refuse to handle it. I'd ten times rather be there then in ethics. So I'll be seeing Macbeth Thurs-Sat, if that makes me a sad person then oh well. I like going and supporting my friends. Going to Fort reminds me of a time when things weren't so freaking crazy. Macbeth looks awesome, its going to be great. Everyone should go see it.

Now I'm going to return to not accomplishing anything except eating alot of chocolate which will eventually end with a tummy ache.

And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities...

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 05:38:14 GMT

I am so confused by this.
I know that life is hit or miss.
Days are stung by too much sun,
I think that you may be the one.

This weekend was awesome. Actually it wasn't a weekend lol. It was Sun-Tues. Kashew came to classes with me for the past two days. She took a quiz in Antrhopology, and also partisipated in Ethics (the class I try not to fall asleep in) Lol, she's too funny. I wish she went to school with me cause we have so much fun together =)

True Blood is a pretty good show. But I'm upst cause the person I thought was the killer can't be..err I called it in Dexter not cool! I'm going have to work on another theory before the finale lol.

Things are crazy all over the place...but thats life I suppose. Way too much crap on my mind = Insane headches.

...to the last time we were together.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 06:50:42 GMT

This weekend was fun. Not over yet technically but almost. Is it just me or do weekends seem to be like flying by faster then usual? Seeing people I miss is always great. I got to see the people I don't get to see as much as I wish like Portia, Fahad, Erick, Kevin, Mark, Mariya, Jen, Mike, Gus, Marissa, and etc..I also got to hang out with Joanna who I havent seen in an even longer time which was great!!!!! Then I got to see Esta today who I feel like whoa its been forever and I tackled the girl lol. I got to see Mulligan who I haven't seen since he left for school. I saw Sarah FREAKING Gaglio who I haven't seen since she left for school and it still hasnt sunk in that I actually saw her! AND I recieved the best long distance phone call from my best friend who I'm missing more then all these people combined.

Is it just me or sometimes do you think you've had a realization but then you realize that you're just more confused then you thought you were? Ok maybe that sentence in itself is too confusing and complicated.

I'm so tired but I can never seem to like fall asleep. Or find the time to sleep. Aren't weekends meant for relaxation, where is the time for sleep? Technically I could be sleeping instead of writing this but then that would make too much sence.

Other then that life is pretty good =)

Why does my mind constantly wander...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:10:58 GMT

So I'm going to post my essay (which I got an A on!) It's about animal categorizing and how its all arbitrary and etc...
Read, comment! (I'm sure it's the perfect way to procrasinate)

During the daily sifting through my emails, I must admit I often disregard anything addressed from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, an organization for animals rights also known as PETA. The emails I generally receive from PETA have subjects such as "Stop Kentucky Fried Cruelty" and "Fight the Circus" As a vegetarian, meaning in my diet I exclude all animal flesh (meat, poultry, fish and seafood), I obviously care about animal rights. Yet I've never felt the need to throw red paint at people who wear fur to prove it. I understand that in certain cases radical steps are necessary in order to gain results but I've always felt that refraining from meat was a personal choice that I shouldn't impose upon anyone. Ever since I made the decision to become a vegetarian six years ago, I have been criticized for it. While some of these critics are civil and listen to my viewpoint, there has always been a greater number of irrational people who tell me that meat is a necessity in a diet and vegetarians are ignorant. Because I do not appreciate being told how do conduct my diet, it would be hypocritical for me to give out “Meat is Murder” fliers and tell anyone who disagreed that eating meat made them idiotic.

One day, however, I received an email from PETA with the subject "Sign the Petition for our Woof Campaign." Confused by the name and curious to learn more, I opened and read the email. The icon was a man in a pig mask holding a sign which read "Woof. " Underneath this was a picture of several pigs in a meat factory, stuffed tightly together in small cages. The email read: “It isn't fair for them [pigs] to live out their lives on factory farms, where they are denied everything that is natural and important to them-like rolling in mud, playing with their families, and basking in the warmth of the sun.” The goal of the campaign is to convince people that pigs should have the same legal rights and protection as dogs do. What struck me about the campaign was not so much its goal, which I do support, but rather the question that came to me as I read it; if pigs said woof, would we be so quick to eat them?

In America, it is the cultural norm to enjoy a hamburger or a hot dog for dinner. After the meal, we might sit on the couch to pet our favorite cat, or take the dog out for a walk. Pets are very important to many Americans, they are there for us to nurture, and they keep us company. We could never imagine having these companions for lunch, yet we don't hesitate when eating pigs or cows. But why are some animals considered man's best friend while others are simply looked at as man's next meal?

Regarding a dog as a loyal and humane animal is a common western concept. People might say that to eat a dog would be disgusting because it is wrong to eat an animal that is so intelligent and close to home. But if intelligence is the guiding factor in a morally correct lunch, then why would a pig, the smartest animal outside of primates, be such a popular item on the menu? Professor Donald Broom of Cambridge University Veterinary School says “[Pigs] have the cognitive ability to be quite sophisticated. Even more so than dogs and certainly three-year-olds. ” (Broom, Donald. “New Slant on Chump Chops,” Cambridge Daily News, 10 Mar. 2002.) So if we are supposed to avoid eating the smarter creatures, then technically we should be eating small children before sitting down for some bacon.

Apart from the intelligence factor, there is also the disturbing thought that the internal makeup of a pig is remarkably similar to that of a human. Pigs share all of the same organs as humans do, with only a few minor differences. There are even experiments being conducted to try and clone pigs for the use of organs alone: “A 75kg pig has the same-sized heart as a 75kg human, with the same pumping capacity. In theory it should be possible to farm pigs for their organs...” (Jeffrey, Simon. “Pig to Human Transplants.” Gardian.co.uk 3 Jan. 2002.) People who own dogs tend to claim that their pets have a personality which reflects that of a human. Considering the possibility of a human being able to live with a pig's heart, the similarity between us and these animals is significantly larger.

When I asked my friend for her opinion on the matter, her response was "I guess the animals we eat taste better then others. " If this is the case, then why is dog meat a food source for people in Indonesia, China, and several Arctic countries? Similarly, popular meat-consumption in America is viewed as taboo to other cultures. In Hindu countries such as India, citizens can be arrested for killing a cow, and the consumption of pork is forbidden in both Jewish and Muslim religions. Without an international agreement, how do we know for sure which animals are friends and which animals are food?

“There's a schizoid quality to our relationship with animals, in which sentiment and brutality exist side by side. Half the dogs in America will receive Christmas presents this year, yet few of us pause to consider the miserable life of the pig -- an animal easily as intelligent as a dog -- that becomes the Christmas ham.” (Pollan, Michael. “An Animal's Place.” The New York Times Magazine 10 Nov. 2002.) This is the problem exactly, people are not readily exposed to the cruelty that these animals undergo and therefore it does not bother them. Americans are at ease lavishing affection over their dog while munching on pork, completely oblivious to the hypocrisy of this picture. If a person were to keep a dog in a metal crate so tiny that it is impossible for the dog to even turn around, this act would be classified as animal cruelty. But when we apply the same situation to a pig, it is no longer considered an offense, but rather a mean of production.

When it comes to classifying animals, the answer is clear, there is no correct way to do it. We eat the animals society calls meat and care for the animals society deems domestic. There is no real reason or logic behind it, and people prefer not to think about something when it is so widely accepted. So I guess the real question isn't what separates a dog from a pig, but rather, why do we accept the unspoken law which categorizes animals? Because in truth, the biggest difference between a dog and a pig is the way we treat them.

Why can't a kiss last forever?

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:08:03 GMT

I'm so fucking happy. I feel so great right now. I'm on the verge of tears from happiness and that rarely happens for me. I voted for the first time and I never imagined just how great it would make me feel to have a voice. It was thrilling. Even more amazing than that - the moment Obama won and seeing all those people on tv crying their eyes out, seeing people run outside of their homes cheering and seeing the fireworks right outside - It feels like new years! I've never felt more excited about politics in my life. I was to young to grasp the importance of an election when Clinton ran, and I never liked Bush (nor did I have a vote in the matter) So this is the first time in my life that I am exicted about a future President! I'm so proud, although I believe we are behind the times, finally an african american president! Finally FUCKING finally something differnt! Now we need a woman, or like Ashely said - an African Ameican Lesbian Woman president. One day...lol

I know he hasnt done anything and it's early to jump the gun but I can't help but be excited. I feel so fucking amazing right now. When the excitment wears off the thing I'm most hoping for is that he follows through. It feels way to good to elect this guy, I just want him to do a good job. I want things to get better. Everyone is so thrilled so I hope he lives up to our expectations. Though, Bush is no tough act to follow.

In other awesome news I got an A on my paper! I'm gonna post it next entry so if you're interested please read and give feedback =)

Why does a week feel like a year?

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 05:55:37 GMT

Election day tomorrow, WOOHOO! Yeah...I'm procrasinating again.

I hope Obama wins, for multiple reasons. He's the lesser of two evils first off. Sarah Palin is the devil second off (and most important) Third off I personally believe that we have a better shot at getting out of this economic crisis with his plan hopefully he follows through with it, forth white old guys have been in office far too long its actually sickening, fifth other countries like Obama this is our chance to gain some points and not be so widley despised, sixth the man its a brilliant charismatic speaker who I'm not ashamed to be represented by (opposite of Bush) and seventh PALIN IS THE FUCKING DEVIL! It needed to be mentioned at least twice cause its true. There are other reasons I'm voting for the guy but those are the most important.

I don't mean like the religous devil I mean like, the embodiment of everything I hate and am afraid to see anywhere near the leader this country devil. Shes fun to laugh at but at the end of the day if Mc-same gets elected and dies of a stroke? NOT FUNNY! Hockey momma who thinks dinosaurs were around 4000 years ago leading the country? You will not see me in America under President Palin. I'll be in Cananda in a heartbeat.

So yeah go out and vote kids