I'm awake! And its early! I got up at 11! I'm proud! I don't think I ever woke up this early new years day lol.

I had a pretty great new year. First party was at Joannas with plenty of people I love and never see enough of. I got to finally wear this dress I borrowed from Amanda G which was silvery-whiteish and sparkly, and Kashew wore her red sparkly dress so we kind of matched.

Twilight Zone, yummy punch, beer pong, watching people be ridiculous, taking some ridiculous pictures which will be up friday (cause thats when Joanna "gets back" from Seatlle lol) and various other things. It was great!

Then the new year came and we all wooed and hooed, drank champagne and popped those confetti things. Loved it <3
And Joanna changed from one sexy dress to another lol, followed by me changing out of the dress and shoes that were not really mine (shoes did NOT fit so well) and into a skirt and boots (much comfyer) with my sparkly tights that I bought two new years eve's ago and I wear every new year! They're starting to get holey though, so this might have to be their last appearence =(

Some of us then made our way to Ashley & Katies party, which was also fun! Especially because I got to live one of my dreams, partying with Sarah Gaglio!!! Her and Kate met us there, it was fantastic! We drank some wine, cause we're classy like that, and took some shots of whatever was left. Good times, I have to party with Sarah more for sure lol, that will be my new years resolution.

No hangover! Yay, I actually didn't go too crazy last night, which is good cause I've gotten pretty plastered the last couple of new years eves.

So today I think its time to clean my room cause its gotten pretty bad. I havent really cleaned it since the semester started, I never had time since I was only here on weekends. Then since break started, I beleive I have only been home when I'm sleeping so that doesn't help much either lol. So I'll do that for awhile, and then I think we're filming today? Unless like a bunch of people didn't make it home and are like still drunk somewhere, then we might have to postpone.

Anyways I'm excited to die for the first time! And be a ghost! I think I die by walking into something, which is totally me and is probably very acurate to how I actually will die one day lol. An ax Kashew ;)

Happy New Year everyone!

Finals done. First semester over. I don't know my grades yet but, I survived. Thats a good start =)

Its really cold in my room right now, like whoa I'm actually shivering. I touched my radiator and its like ice. Brrr. I think somethings up with the heat in this house. Its weird cause this morning it was like all warm, oh well. Christmas is so close. I feel like it came out of nowhere! Sorta. Cause like normally I spend so much time xmas shopping, go to the Union Square and Bryant Park market, break night making cookies for my stage peeps the night before the last day of class, but not this year. I didn't really have time for any of that stuff, I guess thats the sucky part of college =(

I kinda wish that I ended earlier so I would've had more time for xmas shoping which I actually enjoy. Oh well. I can't wait for Christmas eve, Kashew Amanda and Joey are coming over (Ashley hopefully on webcam) and we're going to make a gingerbread house! I got the kit and everthing I can't wait! Then we're exchanging presents, drinking some yummy hot coccoa and watching love actually, our Christmas eve tradition =)

I'm so excited for break. I still feel like I'm not really here, its weird. I feel like I'm going to have to pack up and move but I know that I don't lol. Moving back and forth is hectic, I think theres a good chance it'll drive me completley insane next semester. I mean I already snapped (I called to appologize but shes not returning my calls so I can't help it if I'm the more mature) I discovered a faster route from my house to my school today, it only took about an hour and a half. I think I can handle that as long as my classes arent too early. So maybe the semester after next I can start living here ALL the time again. We'll see.

I really wanna get my permit, well I'm GOING to. Asap. First week of january. I'm convinced that if I get my licence and a car all my problems would be solved. It may sound silly but it makes perfect sense in my head. And I'm not about to try and explain what goes on in there lol.

I'm super excited for RENT! Auditions went really well on Friday and I heard more good things from the people who saw callbacks. I hope the people who [I think] did best get what they deserve. We'll see...hehe we'll seee boyysssss. Ok I'll stop =D

Yay for break! Yay for living in one place! Yay for being able to clean my room for the first time since August!

I just had the coolest anthropology class of all time. My professor is currently writing an ethnograhy and spends a lot of time in Brazil (he actually won't be teaching for another 3 semesters because hes going back) and today instead of having lecture, Afro-Brazilian capoeira dancers came and we learned some of it. It is THE COOLEST THING EVER! Like seriously google that, or youtube it, its so awesome!

There are some cool funky instruments which they play during the capoeira, a couple of the students got to play them. We learned some of the basics and wow it was so much fun. Capoeria is like this martial arts dance combo. Its a fight and a graceful dance at the same time, it looks so freaken cool. The people who were doing it could do like crazy flips in the air and all this other stuff that takes like whoa flexibility and strength. I wish I could do it all the time!

Anyways, the semesters almost over and I'm super excited for break. I am nervous about finals though, but most of the nervous is directed towards philosophy. I'm so jealous that for a lot of people today is the last day of classes. Stupid cuny. Oh well. Just one more week and then I get to be in Brooklyn all the time! Thats so exciting like beyond belief, living in one place for more then 4 days sounds great!

This past weekened was really fun. Coulter gave me a camcorder which I figured out how to use, but I need to get a memory card for. I think I'll ask for one for x-mas since I can't think of anything else I want or need really. Saturday night we celebrated Fahads bday and it was the best. It was really like theatre whore reunion, more so then Macbeth perfomances. Because like everyone was there. Except Ashley, Sarah, Marieke, and Esta. (Being away at school or in China is a pretty good excuse...but I dunno about the other) We had (for the most part) all the alumni who graduated from last year, some people from the year before, and then some people who are still in fort. And I sat at the best table too,cause we claimed the booth! And we saved a seat for Ashley btwn me and Erick, cause of course she'd be with the cool kids. It was awesome, I love all those crazy people =D

Ok so coming up, finishing up classes, finals (still don't know when the anthro one is), winter concert on thurs, rent auditons (hopefully i can make next wed), rent production meeting (hopefully i can make this 2 weeks from today), christmas shopping...although I have no clue where the funding for this is coming from, I best start working those corners pretty hard..jk, and what I'm looking forward to soooo sooo much - People comeing home for break!!!

So last night I had a dream that Amanda shot me. It was really freaking weird. On its own, its weird. But whats even weirder is that its the second dream that I've had where I've gotten shot and it was very similar...although I guess that makes sence.

The first time was 5 years ago, and yes I still remember it clearly, probably more then any dream I've ever had (save for the reocurring nightmare as a child where I was tortured by the muppets but thats a whole other story) It was me my brother Allyn and some other people, in a room and I kept saying I had to wake up. So Allyn said the only way for me to wake up was if someone killed me. My brother picked up a gun (I'm not sure where it came from) and shot me in the head. It was crazy. First it was really loud. Like in my head...everything was numb and my ears were ringing. It seemed like that lasted for a while but it was one of those things where forever was actually only about two seconds. Then I felt excruciating pain which I can't really describe, in my head and then I felt my body fall to the ground. Right as I hit the ground I imediatley woke up and was freaked out. So yeah that was that one.

Last night : My dream was that I was in this forest, I'm pretty sure I was with Mariya. Then Amanda (Tortorici) pops out with a gun. Mariya starts yelling that the vampires are coming. It made sence in my dream without being stated lol but the situaton was, we wanted to become vampires too and the only way they woud turn you is if you were already dead. So Amanda shot Mariya and she fell over dead next to me. Then she shoots me in the stomach. And it was kinda the same feeling, the ears were ringing, then came the pain, only I wasn't dead. I fell to the ground and held my hand on my stomach where the blood was pouring out , and then I woke up. I was really freaked when I woke up because I still felt the pain. I imediatley grapped my stomach because I could have sworn I was bleeding. But I wasn't (thank goodness!) I'm pretty sure that I was pissed because she didn't kill me, so I wouldn't get to be a vampire I would just have to like go to the hospital and be in alot of pain. Thanks Amanda, what a jerk, lol.

So yeah, its really strange. Maybe I'm gonna get shot one day lol, I don't know. I kinda hope not because from what I felt in these dreams, its not very fun. Kinda sucks. But I guess we'll see. Anyone good at analysing dreams by any chance?
 

Whatever, but next time I have a dream where I get shot, it better not be the kneecap! (I hear thats the most painful)

I guess it makes the most sense to start with my family, which I really do love a lot. My brother is a little weird cause he studdies all the time and sometimes I worry about him because I wish he'd go out and have fun at least once in a while, but in the past he has really done alot for me. Even now I know if I had a problem and needed him he'd do his best to help me out. I love my mom a lot, even though to be completley honest, living with her can be challenging at times. There are times where I feel like I'm the adult in the house, and I guess thats fine, shes been through a lot and I know me living there with her makes her happy. As far as my dad goes? I love him insanely. He is the best dad in the world and just all around amazing. He listens to me when I talk and he always gives that advice that really makes sense (even though I don't always want to follow it) He's an honest guy who really cares about his children, in the way that he never tries to make us feel guilty in anyway for whatever we might do that could hurt him. I know ever since I started living with my mom, me and him don't get to spend much time together at all. When I'm in Brooklyn I'm with my friends, and I usually make a mess of the house too moving in and out. But he never complains about it, and hes always happy to see me. He's generally just the smartest and really most careing guy I've known. He loves all my friends even though I'm sure we can be loud and annoying sometimes. I'm thankful for having the most amazing dad ever =)

Deirdre is probably one of the most influencing figures in my life. I know people like to joke "Where did she go right?" Because I'm not big on the drinking and I like going to school and all that, but really - she shaped the person I am today. A lot of people say we really look nothing alike (Or as Amanda said, shes the grungy version of me, I'm the neat version of her) but that we do talk alike, which is probably true. When you grow up with someone that close in age, you really become who you are with that person beside you, picking up things from eachother. Even today we don't live with eachother, which is better for the most part cause we very rarely fight now, I still know shes always there for me. Even though shes always late and looses her phone often! Hehe, I still love her a whole lot!

Friends - Wow I have so many amazing friends in my life, I'm truely very lucky. My theatre group as a whole, I adore completley. Nothing compares to seeing them whenever I can, and visiting stage always gives me a taste of that feeling I'd get around those people everyday last year. I'm not going to lie, I miss highschool alot sometimes. College is better as far as classes go, but I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again in my life. We were one bunch of crazy theatre whores and it was never a dull moment. I love my friend Amanda G, one of my oldest friends who I rarely get to see even though she lives around the block. I love Joey, whos brutal honesty gets her in to trouble, but I always know not to take her too seriously (she only means half of what she says) Kashew, I freaken love Kashew! Always there for me, always there in general lol, we can barely spend four days apart without missing eachother. We're ridiculous together, we even say the same things at the same time in the same tone, its creepy! I love going out and being insane with her, or just lazying around watching tv, we could really be doing anything and make a day out of it. Shes the greatest =)

Ashley - My other hip! As far as friends go, I don't know if I can even count her because she is so much more then that. She somewhere in sister status, I'm not really sure where to place her. But she has a very very very special place in my heart because I honestly don't think I've ever been closer to anyone. There are times when we live together, there are times when we're very far apart. Right now is the furthest, her in China and me here, but still if I have a problem shes the person I want advice from. Even if its not for advice, I always know that if I just explain something she'll understand. I don't know where my life would be if I never knew her, and shes one person that I'm definitley super thankful for. I'll stay up late tonight in the hopes that she will be online at like 1:30 Am!

Other friends that mean alot, Amanda T - Shes probably the best friend I made in highschool. Whenever I see her it feels like years, but usually its not much more then a week. Its cause I'm use to seeing her all the time, and being a total nerd with her. I never met another girl who shared my love for comics and other dorky things as much as she does. Sarah - Words can not describe how much I love this girl! She's ridiculous and her laugh is just music to my ears after not seeing her in months. Being with her yesterday almost made it feel like she never left, but its sad to think she'll be gone in a couple of days. I can't wait until winter break! Marieke - I haven't seen her yet, but I am dying too! Our limericks are the best things ever and I just love talkin about anything with her. Mulligan - Since hes away we really never hang out but we talk just about everyday. Hes a person that I can really talk to my problems about, and I'm always more then happy to try and help with his. Also we go crazy over heroes together, its fun! Mark - So people might say that I have a Mark-fetish (totally true lol) but, jokes aside, hes very important to me because I don't think I know anyone who makes me smile as much as he does. Hes so silly and adorable, its really impossible not to love him.

There are more friends still! All the theatre kids like I said, matter to me. I really love being with Portia Fahad and Erick, although they're people I don't get to see as much (stupid queens!) They are friends that I've definitly laughed harder with then like anyone on the planet, and I'm always having a good time hanging out with them! Oh, and Kevin! Kevin is an awesome friend too, even if he can be a jerk sometimes (lets hope he never reads this) But honestly, he is one of the great friends I'm thankful to have.  Mariya, Jen, Gus, Mike, and Marissa - I love these guys and they are the ones I come back for, the ones I really love visiting. They give a good name to our theatre =)
Then there are the friends I've made through Deirdre - Andrey, Alf, Allyn, Christina, Frankie, Jason, Joanna, Joe, John and I'm sure there are more I just can't think of on the spot. All of them are fun people! That I've had really crazy times with! They showed me how to party and be a little less tense, so its always a fun time with any of those guys too =D

So yeah, I have alot to be thankful for. I'd say mainly its the amazing friends I have in my life. No matter what is wrong or what I need, there is always someone to go to.  Who could ask for more then that?

I'm glad I have some friends in Queens now to hang out with outside of school. Me and Kashew spent a good amount of last night shoved in a car ontop of guys we just met (I hope John Capp is not reading this lol) but it was a funny night. Me and Kashew tried hookah for the first time and it was actually a lot cooler then I thought it would be. We were supposed to go to this club but then it turns out that club was actually under construction, then we went to the club we were really supposed to go to but most of the guys weren't really into it so we left and ending up hanging out in a hallway drinking and playing 'I never' It was a pretty good time =)

Right now I have a book to read and notes to recopy/organize, other stuff...I dont want to do anything. I have no motivation. There isn't even anything to distract me! I mean theres True Blood Entourage and Dexter but none of that starts until 9, no excuses. I gotta get this work done but I can't seem to force myself to. Geez how will I ever succeed in life lol.